Have a (Parenting) Plan

June 29, 2009

Many people, particularly dads, come into the office with the idea that they would like to have “50/50” in regards to custody and physical placement arrangements.  Shared parenting is a lofty goal.   However, for some people, it is difficult to come up with concrete details as to how a shared parenting proposal would actually work in practice.

This is where the Parenting Plan can be helpful.    A Parenting Plan is a relatively new creature of law.  It is designed to explain to all parties and the Court exactly how a parent’s proposed legal custody and physical placement will operate in real life.  It covers many parenting topics, including:

  • Education
  • Health care
  • Child care
  • Holidays
  • Transportation

Section 767.41 (1m) of the Wisconsin Statutes requires moms and dads to file a Parenting Plan with the Court under certain circumstances.  But whether or not a parent is required to file a formal plan, it is a good idea for parents to review the questions addressed within the plan and be prepared to answer them, whether it be to an attorney, Guardian ad Litem or Judge.   Knowing answers to these questions helps parents organize their thoughts and communicate more clearly. 

Prepared, knowledgeable and organized parents are in a better position to achieve results in Court.   It also prepares them be more effective co-parents with their exes in the long run.  Isn’t that what children of divorce deserve?

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Not having their children with them each and every day is often one of the most difficult adjustments divorcing parents must make.  Holidays tend to be difficult for all divorced and separated parents.  Often, family get-togethers serve as painful reminders of what once was, and what has been lost.  This is magnified when a parent must spend a holiday away from a child.  

As part of developing a post-divorce parenting plan, parents (or the Court, if the parents cannot agree) must determine which parent will have the kids on which holidays.  Most people would like to keep as many family traditions as possible intact for their children.  It is important for children to experience holiday traditions on both sides of their extended families.

The holidays that can be addressed in a court order are limited only by the parents’ imagination.  In my practice, parents usually choose to address the following holidays:

  • New Year’s Eve;
  • New Year’s Day;
  • Easter;
  • Mother’s Day;
  • Memorial Day;
  • July 4;
  • Labor Day;
  • Halloween;
  • Thanksgiving;
  • Christmas Eve;
  • Christmas Day;
  • The child’s birthday

There is usually no doubt that mothers will always have the children on Mother’s Day and fathers will always have the children on Father’s Day.  In my opinion, this is as it should be.   These holidays were established so that each family could honor its mother and its father, respectively.  The beauty of this cultural tradition is that in most situations, each parent has a special day with the children.

Once in a while a parent will try to convince the Court that it is/was more important for the child to see an extended family member, rather than the designated, celebrated, parent.  Stepparents and grandparents may be very important influences in a child’s life, and they deserve recognition on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day (phone calls, emails, gifts or cards).  There is a great editorial on newsday.com this morning celebrating the blended family – “The perfect blend for Mother’s Day.”  But, I cannot recall an instance when the Court decided that someone else should have the kids on Mothers Day or Father’s Day.  So for all of the moms out there, have a happy Mother’s Day!